The UK's biggest music festival kicks off this Wednesday, and if you're not going, prepare yourself for the onslaught of social media updates. There'll be pictures of sepia-toned cans of cider. They'll be grainy, fuzzy videos of a late-night rave in a dodgy-looking tent. People will wear flowery headbands and overuse the hashtag '#Glasto'. All in all, it'll get very tedious, very quickly. Here are ten reasons why you should chill out, stop feebly trying to get your mitts on massively-overpriced tickets, and head abroad for a minibreak this weekend.
1) Kanye West.
2) There are cheap minibreak deals to be had this weekend; we scoured lastminute.com and found quite a few bargains, especially if you leave this Friday. Travelsupermarket.com has some great deals on city breaks.
3) A weekend ticket, including the booking fee, costs £225. That's before you factor in the cost of getting there, all the food you'll need to buy, booze, and spending money. All that money to sit in a damp field listening to Florence Welch witter on about her feelings.
4) You almost certainly won't be consuming any nice food. However, a three-night break in Turkey will give you the opportunity to gorge yourself on untold amounts of meze. Be reasonable; hummus, baba ghanoush and stuffed vine leaves versus cold, greasy burgers.
5) You might actually be able to recharge your batteries and come home refreshed if you book a minibreak. You will manage, on average, an hour of sleep a night at Glastonbury, and you will return to work looking like death.
6) There is no need for anyone, ever, to listen to another one of Annie Mac's 'live broadcasts'.
7) Three days in Marrakech will leave you with a glorious tan, some much-loved market goods and enough stories to entertain everyone at work with for weeks. The cobras! The bikers! The hammams! Stories from Glastonbury are very rarely a) exciting or b) unembellished, and anyway, everyone will have seen enough of that on social media.
8) The Who and Paul Weller are playing on Sunday. This is your opportunity to escape from the hordes of dads who will descend upon the festival to tell tales of their youth, drink too much and shout along to songs they barely remember.
9) Let's talk about flying vs the journey home. Let's talk about the A303. Let's talk about the drive home taking a good 15 hours. Still think flying is a massive hassle? Nope, didn't think so.
10) The British weather is a savage mistress, unpredictable and wild. Why take a gamble? Head somewhere where the sun's guaranteed, you can enjoy exploring a new city, you can relax on a beach, and you can avoid wading through acres of mud. Swap cans of warm beer in the rain for ice cold cocktails in the sunset. Get out of the UK and explore the world around you; it's there for the taking.