By Dale Western on 24 February 2015

From the secretly-hateful couple to the elderly pair who spend all day in the bar knocking back cocktails, the average holiday features ten types of people you'll be very familiar with. We've compiled a list of them here; it's by no means exhaustive, but it's a good start.

The couple on their honeymoon: Oh, God, they're at it again. From the readily-visible smooching on their balcony to the smoking looks they give each other during their swim, these two make Bonnie and Clyde look like an old, bickering twosome. It's uncomfortable to watch. It's even more uncomfortable if you're in the room next door. Shouting 'Oh, just give it a rest' will result in cold glares at breakfast. Put simply, you can't win.

Cuddling couple

The enthusiasts: These two love everything - literally, everything. Even if it rains all day, the all-inclusive buffet is dreadful or one of them gets bitten by a rattlesnake, their spirits remain high. To be frank, their constant smiles start to grate after a while, and their inability to spot flaws can become tiresome. They're great when you're hungover as a mood-booster, but keep your interactions short and sweet.

The backpackers: You know the monastery you visited on that trek? Well, these two saw a similar one in Goa in 2006, but it was much more spiritual, y'know? And that stargazing trip that the rest of the group enjoyed? Well, back before they had kids, they spend a weekend camping in the desert in Egypt. Everything you do, they've done already - and it wasn't on a package tour. Because they're so inauthentic, right?

Mr Sulk: He didn't want to come away - he told his wife a thousand times - but the selfish nag decided that a week of fine eating, drinking and relaxing in Spain would be much more fun than watching snooker and pottering in the shed. Well, she was wrong, and Mr. Sulk sits by the pool under an umbrella, refusing to strip down to his shorts. He stares distractedly at the water and occasionally sighs as he sips his beer. What's happening at the allotment right now? He can only grimly speculate.


The phone addicts: These two seem to get on well enough - you've seen them taking cosy selfies in a few local clubs - but you're amazed they chose to holiday with each other at all. For a start, they're never off their phones, and you've never really seen them speak, apart from the odd grunt. Maybe they're WhatsApping each other? 

The strange family: From their 6am swims to their regimented sun tan lotion application, the strange family are a wonder to behold. You've never seen such ordered chaos - or such bizarre bathing habits. Is it normal to do group yoga in the sea? Should the parents be encouraging their children to bury each other in sand? What are they eating for lunch - is that the crab they just found in a rock pool? Like we said, very odd.

The golden oldies: These two refuse to grow old, never mind gracefully. They start drinking at 11am, and can be heard hooting well into the night as they work their way through bottles of assorted local wines. They're normally really good fun - but not many people can keep up with them.

Old man DJing

The rocky partnership: It's obvious that these two are on holiday to mend their faltering relationship - and it's make or break time. One day they're giving the honeymooning couple a run for their money, the next they're exchanging neatly-barbed comments in hissed tones. Towards the end of the holiday, less-scrupulous people will begin to examine the odds. Will they last as long as the journey to Gatwick? Place your bets now.

Couple rowing

The girls on tour: Someone's been dumped, and the girls have rallied round to make sure the wounded party has the time of their life. These ladies will talk to anyone and everyone, and they're the life and soul of the party. Want to see some fireworks? If they're next to the honeymooning couple, you can almost guarantee they'll be harsh words at 3am, but neither party will have a leg to stand on.

The Gogglebox couple: They're not big drinkers, no, but you've never seen them refuse a glass of something cold - and they're on first-name terms with the bar staff by day two. This couple, who are normally fairly posh, are from the Home Counties and call people 'darling' most of the time, will most often be seen lounging in the bar, looking (they hope) impossibly glam. They tend to get on well with the golden oldies and the girls on tour; be warned, if this lot go out together, the whole resort will be woken up when they come home.

Do you think you need a holiday? Find out if you're overdue one here.

Here's how to manage your workload before you go away.

Image credit: Shutterstock

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